Pain Bearer

Pain Bearer

I have heard the saying, that people should grin and bear it! “It” referring to the pain, but have you ever suffered so much pain that you physically broke teeth because you bit through the pain. I mean you chomped down through some of the most insufferable pain that doctors think you are not going through, yet they gave you some week pain medication to supposedly help you through a weekend of said pain. I have! I have broken teeth on both sides of my mouth now because of that, but that still is not that worst of the pain.

Let us go back a moment and look at what pain is. Most people look at pain as maybe a stubbed toe, or even sliver in their finger. For me, I have suffered the strokes, severe migraines that have supposedly been strong enough that horse pills are required to control the migraine, all because I needed glasses. However, after these strokes, I have been dealing with pain in my legs that feel like they are breaking the bones in my hips. So severe that I cannot sleep, I cannot walk, or at times, I do not even have an appetite. It actually has me in tears and all I can do is bite down and try to fight of the pain that the doctors claim I do not have because according to their x-rays and MRIs all they see is a little arthritis.

Look, I know arthritis can be painful, but not bone breaking painful. Therefore, I know something more is wrong. I think it is something my family has special about us, we can feel that in our body even when the doctor’s say it is not possible. I find it funny that the doctors keep telling me that the pain I should be complaining about is my spine when the pain that is keeping me up all night and the most killer is my hips. Let me describe this pain the best I can for you. Think about the hip, you have that ball looking tip that is called the femoral head and then the greater and lesser trochanter of the femur, that little space between is what feels like what is breaking to me. Pretty detailed huh? Every single step I take I feel that breaking, laying down, I feel the antagonizing pain, it is around the clock pain, and I just wish it would stop.

However, this is not the worst of my pain. Memory loss has become even more of my pain. I have had to count on my wife to remind me of things because I have literally forgotten things. If I do not have it written down, I forget. I have no memory of my childhood, I look at pictures and I do not recall them, but that is not the worst, the one thing that kills me the worst inside. Recently, I lost my grandmother, I want to cry because I know I have lost a loved one, but when I look at photos of her I draw blanks, I don’t know her. This is real pain, I know I am supposed to know her, I feel a sorrow and hurt, but a compete blank because the person I am looking at does not ring a bell.

There has to be a way to help bring memories back, help with pain, and help people all together. For now, a journal like this hopefully will help, and hopefully help others down the line. 

Neuropathic Life

Neuropathic Life

So, I have decided to start trying to keep a journal like this on a blog to answer people’s questions on my health and to keep a record for myself as well. See, I am forgetting more and more each day that I need something like this just to remember, or have some form of recollection when needed.

Let me go back to the beginning and give my best recall for those who do not know what is happening or just need a refresher. Remember, bits and pieces of this might be a bit off because I do not remember myself. In 2008, I suffered three strokes. Shocking, right? Do not be too amazed because at the time we did not know why, my health was amazing, there was nothing that said that I should have had anything like that. Doctors were baffled and heck, so were I; the only thing anyone could think of was it was stress induced. Boy were we all wrong! Turned out I had a massive tumor on my thyroid that was draining my body of the required vitamins that would later effect my body. (I will explain that statement soon.)

Okay, this is where I get spotty, but I know my job ends, I pretty much find functioning gets harder and I do not know why. My legs are swelling for no reason, but when I go to the emergency room, the doctors run tests on me and they tell me I am perfectly healthy. I can only point at my extremely swollen legs and ask, “Does that look perfectly healthy?”

After some time, I get on disability and with help of their doctors; they discover the tumor on my thyroid. This is where we discover the additional issues. The tumor had been draining my body of vitamins and the drain caused other issues like neuropathy, beginning stages of dementia, and other issues that doctors are treating, but little bits at a time. For me, it does not feel like they are fast enough. The one discovery that we did find that is important is this; the tumor on my thyroid was so massive it was cutting off the blood flow to my brain that it caused the strokes.

Okay, so, here is hoping that short update was enough to get you caught up to now. My hips are in constant pain still and they have sent me to pain management. Last year they sent me to a group of doctors that thought of these injections that pretty much felt like they injected balloons in my body where they did not need. Great news, I am finally with a good pain management group who seems like they want to help. Currently, they have me on some extremely STRONG pain medication that has me asleep most of the time and out of it. Therefore, some people might think I am ignoring them or just do not know what is happening, but truth is I am medicated.

Today, as I woke up, I found the neuropathy in my hands went on a rampage. I was ripped out of my sleep to the feeling of ants on my hands. If you want to understand how it feels, think of putting your hands in an ant nest and having them crawl all over your hands and midway up your arm, that is what I feel without the biting. It is annoying and even more so, without feeling. What I mean is you cannot tell if you are holding a cup, touching the remote, or so forth, just that tingling sensation. Typing this is only from a knowledgeable reaction and happiness to know I have spellcheck.

I do not know how often I can do these posts, but I am going to try to remember to do them. I only ask as you my friends and fans, to remind me to keep up with them. This way I can keep you guys informed and keep a record for myself and maybe even for my doctors down the line? Who knows?